she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
