Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
