I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
They took my balls.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
