i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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