What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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