I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
