I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
