I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
