I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
