You can't motorboat a personality
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
