so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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