She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
