i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
