Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
