3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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