it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
