I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
