So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We are two peas in an std pod
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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