Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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