I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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