I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
