In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
