She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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