some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
