mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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