i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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