I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
