didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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