Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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