And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
