i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
