Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
being pregnant is like rehab
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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