So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
