i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
