White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
