Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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