What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
