Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
