i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
