i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
