Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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