I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
