That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
