Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
