my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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