do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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