I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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