then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
