i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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