just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
