we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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