When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
