Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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