make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
