just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
