Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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