awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
