my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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