My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Ladies don't puke and tell
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
