coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
